Heavy

Life in Japan

Mar 19

It’s Been A Lot

Last week felt weighty for reasons both personal and public. We all passed one year of living with the pandemic, and Japan marked ten years since the 3/11 triple disaster: the Tohoku earthquake and tsunami, and the resulting Fukushima nuclear disaster. I’ve been assembling our earthquake kits, making disaster plans, and wrestling with a sense of futility that made it difficult to write anything that felt worth sharing. Though I follow US news a little less closely now, I’d been feeling hopeful about the pace of vaccinations. But this week’s crushing news reminds us Americans that we still have so much work to do around race, racism, and violence in our country. White supremacy and misogyny are toxic.

*I took a photo of these flowers in February and labeled them “plum blossoms” on Instagram, but was gently told I was wrong. These may be early cherry blossoms? I don’t know.*

Pandemic Theater

In Tokyo, the state of emergency wears on as a typically celebratory time in Japan approaches. The traditional Japanese school year ends in March, so there are often graduation parties this month, in addition to hanami (flower-viewing) parties and picnics. The emergency declaration is set to expire March 21 (And has already been extended once? Twice? I can't keep track), right around the time prime cherry blossom viewing should start. Picnics and large gatherings are going to be prohibited or discouraged, which is good, but I'm a little frustrated that some gardens and parks have closed completely—especially those that sell tickets and can therefore control the inflows of visitors. At lunch time and before 8 PM, people can crowd into small restaurants and eat nearly shoulder-to-shoulder, but a park is closed for public health and safety?

Zeynep Tufecki called policing outdoor spaces in this way "pandemic theater," and nearly a year after she published the piece, the facts still bear her argument out. I don’t want to have a large viewing party, but I do hope we can enjoy the blossoms in some way, and for a while forget that we’re all still living in this terrible and sometimes stupid nightmare.

The Good Shufu

On the home front, S— continues her reign as park ambassador, hanging out all afternoon to greet each kid she knows. Not surprisingly, I get a little bored with this routine, so one day last week I lured her away on a mini adventure to buy taiyaki from a famous shop. She liked the first few bites, but wasn't into the sweet bean paste filling. I thought they were delicious.

N— has been extremely busy with work, so I'm riding that wave with him and trying to be supportive as I approach the one-year mark of leaving my own job. I really loved my job and my students, so I definitely miss it at times.

Taiyaki are fish-shaped cakes filled with a sweet red bean paste called an. — Taiyaki are fish-shaped cakes filled with a *sweet red bean paste called* an.

But I also hear about what's happening at the college now—all remote learning for over a year, enrollments drastically dropping, full-time colleagues losing their positions, adjuncts not getting work—and am glad I'm not there, for now. At least my departure opened up a few classes for others to teach.

I wrote at length about insecurities last week, and there’s no doubt my current housewife (shufu) status contributes to those feelings. I'm also developing mild body dysmorphia after living in Japan for a few months, where 50 kilos is considered a "before" weight for women. (Do yourself a favor, fellow Americans, and don't try to convert that into pounds.) The other day, while shopping at a fun clothing store called BEAMS, I tried on pants in the largest size the store carried—and they were still too small. I just kept it moving and ended up buying a skirt with a more forgiving elastic waist.

But I’m not just a housewife hitting up the shops while the kid’s in school. I’m also a nihongo no gakusei, and thoroughly enjoying being in a classroom again, learning Japanese with a small group of women. Last week we worked on small talk: commenting on the weather, asking how someone's doing, and discussing foods and how they taste. I’ve had a few small victories in using Japanese: when an acquaintance was confused by a barista’s question, I was able to jump in and say, “Water! She wants to know if you want water!” During the aforementioned shopping trip, I successfully asked to see something in another color—but that was pretty much all for show, since the person helping me spoke excellent English, and I forgot the rest of what I knew. (Including how to ask for a bigger size!)

Listen, Read, Watch

These are the light moments, but sometimes they don’t seem worth sharing when so much feels weighty. To close out, I want to share some of the work I’ve been enjoying by Asian and Asian American artists and creators. I hope you’ll follow, share, and support them too!